If I were a hockey player...

If I Were a Hockey Player (this has been going around the blogs):

Team: Washington Capitals
Uniform Number: 24
Position: Left Wing
Nickname: Moose
Dream Line mates: Dale Hunter, Neil Sheehy
Rounding out the PP: Mark Tinordi, Rod Langway
Job: Mucker. Slam opponents into the corners. Tip in the occassional goal. Fight guys less than 5'8" and 180 lbs. I'd take it Martin St. Louis.
Signature Move: EA Sports move: Come in at an angle and quickly switch to a forehand. Either that or just pass the puck and go slam into someone.
Strengths: Big guy (6'4", 250 lbs); not afraid to be hit by the puck.
Weaknesses: Speed, aggression level is at 99%.
Injury Problems? Groin. Gary Bettman won't let me stretch it during t.v. timeouts. I asked him if he would stretch it after the game and he actually seemed interested. Scary.
Equipment: Extra large jersey (easy to get out of); no tie down; taped knuckles.
Nemesis: Eric "Big Sissy" Cole.
Scandal Involvement: Gravitate toward Commissioner's wives.

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: Red Wings. I would pound them like red headed step children.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Fill it with frothy beer and drink for a very long time.
Would the media love me or hate me? Love me... I'm entertaining. I'm unique. I'm big and sexy.